Excel Saga: The Insanity Continues And How!
by Leila Winters
Summary: Koshi Rikdo is back again in his own series to try and survive a day in his own world! Pedro is still trying to get back home. And Watanabe is STILL trying to get rid of his roommates. Indefinite Hiatus.


WRITER'S NOTE: I love this series, but I don't think I could do any serious writing for the show. Mr. Koshi Rikdo certainly can take care of himself! I have just watched the first DVD of this series and I could not stop laughing. I LOVE IT!!!  
  
...I hope you enjoy. Get the message out: EXCEL SAGA ROCKS!!  
  
"Lady, I don't come to your place of work and slap the dick out of your mouth!" -Bob Odinkirk, Mr. Show  
  
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"Master IlPalazzo, Agent Excel Excel is here to do your evil bidding to control Tokyo, then Japan, then the WORLD!!! I will do my best in order to insure that the future of Tokyo will be in your worthy--and painfully reverent--hands! Hands which I, myself, would long to be wrapped around my woefully inadequate body! And yet I know that I will not have the privelledge to be blessed with such a fortune for a long time yet! So in the meanwhile, I will content myself with blindly obeying your infinitely wise orders in hopes to win your favor, my master, Lord Ilpalazzo!" Excel had an arm raised in the air with the sincerity of her words.  
  
Ilpalazzo looked up from his Gameboy Advance. "Hmm?" On the screen three options were displayed. 1. Praise her. 2. Ignore her. 3. Kill her. The man scrolled down to option three before pausing and scrolling back up to option two. He hit the A button. "What was that, Excel? Whatever. It's not important."  
  
Excel jumped up and down in her desperation to be heard. "But Lord Ilpalazzo, you know that I would follow you through the fires of hell itself--"  
  
"Hyatt, good morning." Ilpalazzo greeted his favorite agent.  
  
She gave a little cough before giving him a shy smile. "Good morning, Lord Ilpalazzo. What will it be for today?"  
  
"Well..." The man paused. He looked at his options. 1. Kiss her. 2. Give her an assignment. 3. Put it in. "I have a mission for you, Hyatt."  
  
"I will certainly do my best to fulfill them, sir." She said before collapsing on top of Excel, who in turn, shook the body on top of her like a rag doll, trying to wake her up.  
  
"Hyatt?? WAKE UP!! WAKE UP, I SAID! YOU MUSTN'T GO TO SLEEP WHILE LORD ILPALAZZO IS ISSUING ORDERS!!"  
  
Hyatt feebly gets up. "I'm fine. Forgive me Lord Ilpalazzo. I'm not feeling well." She gave in to another coughing fit.  
  
"It's all right, my dear. There is this shopping district I want you to look into..."  
  
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Watanabe was sitting in his apartment, looking at the blank wall that used to hold a pin-up poster which had to be sold in order to eat. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS STILL HERE?? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GET SOMETHING FOR DINNER!!"  
  
Iwata gave his reddish-brown hair a little flick. "We were."  
  
Sumiyoshi gave the thumbs up sign. [yep.]  
  
The poor black haired boy couldn't take it any longer. "DAMMIT, WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING??" He goes to shake Sumiyoshi who stumbles with each shake. "SAY SOMETHING, YOU STUPID EXCUSE FOR A MAN!!"  
  
Sumiyoshi merely makes some type of grunting noise. [Calm down.]  
  
Watanabe clutches his hair in frustration. "AAARRRGGGGGG!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU????"  
  
"HEY!" Iwata gave Watanabe a little punch in the arm. "If you want to have something for supper, you gotta come with us. It's very selfish of you to expect us to do all the work while you sit in here and stare stupidly at the wall!"  
  
"LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!!"  
  
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The little dog, Menchi, was being dragged/strangled by a leash that was attached to Excel's waist, as she ran energetically down the street.  
  
"ARF!"  
  
(In a singsong voice) "I'm going to win Lord Ilpalazzo's favor, when I do my mission today at the shopping district! Oh, won't Lord Ilpalazzo just love me then! He's gonna drool and fawn and throw me in his arms while we rule all of Japan together!! 'Cause everyone knows that Lord Ilpalazzo is the greatest!!!!" She gives one more painful lounge as poor Menchi's eyes bug out.  
  
"ARRRRF!"  
  
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Pedro sat in a little corner on the streets of Tokyo. (weeping) "Why?? Why must Pedro watch as sexy wife is large with child that could be either Pedro's or That Gomez???" He begins to choke on his own tears. "Pedro not deserve this!! He will find a way to get back to his very sexy wife and son!!! Pedro WILL!" He goes into another fit of sobbing.  
  
Ishi, the Will of the Universe, siddles over to him. Her arms extend from her black void to sexily stroke Pedro's shoulder. "Now, Pedro, don't grieve. I will return you when the time is right."  
  
He looks at her with pleading eyes, now on his knees and his hands clasped around Ishi's in prayer. "Oh, you will return Pedro back to self, yes? WHY DO YOU KEEP TORMENTING PEDRO??? PEDRO WANTS TO GO HOME!!!"  
  
The Will of the Universe merely "tsk. tsk"'d with a chiding finger. "Now, now, Pedro. I can't reverse time for every little thing that happens in this universe."  
  
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(Singsong.) "Duh...my name is Rikdo and I like to draw manga...all day long." Koshi Rikdo is wandering the shopping district looking at various bobbles and trinkets. "I am looking for something good...I like shiny things..." He stops at a certain beverage counter. "Hello...I am looking for..."  
  
Hyatt smiles gently. "This sir?" And she offers him a sample cup of some blue liquid. "It's free, sir."  
  
He takes it the way only Koshi Rikdo could--he grabs it and mutters to himself as he begins to walk away. "Oh...Thank you...Do dee do...Hmmm...Good kind of...drink."  
  
Excel is next to Hyatt behind the beverage counter. "Oh yes! Lord Ilpalazzo's plan is under way with each poor being that takes a sip of this concoction of his!! HEY! YOU SIR!! ARE YOU THE MANGA ARTIST KOSHI RIKDO??"   
  
Poor Koshi freezes in his place. Excel vaults over the table and pulls out a large revolver.  
  
"If you are, then under orders from Lord Ilpalazzo, leader of the secret organization ACROSS, I will be forced to exterminate you in the name of World Domination!!! Turn and face me, so that your death can be met with a courageous end, you vile, brainwasher of ordinary folk!!!"  
  
Koshi Rikdo shakily turns around. "Huh?" His eyes--or glazed over glasses--bug out. "Eep. I--"  
  
He is cut off as Excel pulls the trigger and Koshi Rikdo falls down dead in the street with a bullet in the middle of his forehead. He utters a last "Duh..."  
  
Evil Excel shows up in a puff of smoke. "ALL RIGHT!! YOU SHOT THE BASTARD!! GOOD JOB, EXCEL!"  
  
Good Excel shows up in a puff of smoke. "NICE GOING, GIRLIE! YOU DID GOOD!"  
  
Normal Excel looks kind of confused. "Wait a minute. Shouldn't you be telling me that killing is wrong?"  
  
Good Excel shrugs. "Eh. That's all in the past, sweetie. That was a good shot!" Good Excel and Evil Excel high five one another.  
  
Normal Excel stands there for a little bit. "Okay..."  
  
Suddenly, Ishi, the Will of the Universe, shows up on the scene. "Oh, dear me. Excel, you mustn't kill creators of the Excel Saga. If they are gone, we are out of jobs."  
  
The screen goes to static.  
  
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^_^ Stay tuned for the next chapter!! Ilpalazzo gets to play out his fantasies! Ishi gets busy! Pedro...well, still screwed. And an appearance of Nebeshin!!! (The Afro Man!)  
  
If you haven't watched the hilarity that is the Excel Saga, GO DO IT!!!!! It does have some adult language...(laughing as Excel bangs head on wall saying "I...love...him...so...fucking...much.") Hope you enjoyed! (Don't be afraid to leave a review, I always get a pretty pathetic collection of them...unless it's actually with a popular series. I guess none of this independent stuff really pans out. Ah well.) 


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